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April 17, 2006
No Common Sense
Derek and I were driving from Brooklyn to Jersey on Saturday, and just as we pulled into the lane on the West Side Highway that leads to the Holland Tunnel, we noticed that a little triangle of cones indicated that it was blocked off. There were about five cars ahead of us, and to our right was a gas station. There was a convenient lane at the edge of the gas station (it was on a corner), which people seemed to be using, gingerly, to get into the Holland Tunnel entry road. I noticed one driver do this but Derek didn't. When we pulled up to the cones, I said, "Go ahead, you can use the gas station lane," so Derek did. Bad idea. A tall, mustachioed cop yelled "Whoa" and flagged us down like we were a car full of bomb-toting terrorists. I tried to counteract the talking-to by apologizing profusely:
Me: "I'm sorry -- it was my fault. I thought it was okay to use that lane. Is the tunnel closed?" [Okay, this is a tiny bit of a dumb blond routine and I'm trying to change the subject at the end there.]
Cop: [menacing look] "Where the hell do you think you're going?"
Me: "We're trying to get to the tunnel -- I really thought it was okay to go that way."
Cop: "There could be 300 bodies in the road!"
Me: [I'm completely, utterly dumbfounded. Did he say 300 BODIES? Is this REAL? Not only the power trip, but the total attempt at instilling fear in a New Yorker with some thinly-veiled reference to a terrorist attack? Oh, and if there were 300 bodies somewhere, wouldn't there be more than 10 traffic cones and a cop with a mustache, flagging people by at random and harassing others? My line of thinking didn't get this far until later, actually. At the time I tried to look confused, to indicate that he didn't have a frightened Fox News watcher on his hands, and also to indicate that I am completely taken aback by this line of reasoning. 300 bodies, sir? Where exactly are you going with this?]
Cop: "Did it ever occur to you that I might have this road closed for a REASON?"
Me: [Complete silence. Now I'm just trying not to let the problem-with-authority portion of me get too affected. I'm also fighting impulses to stand up for myself for fear of being indefinitely imprisoned for non-American behavior in this Patriot Act state.]
Cop: "There's just no fucking common sense in this country anymore!"
[pause for dramatic effect]
"Turn around."
Derek: [possibly sensing my inability to respond at this point] "Yes, sir."
Now, I've always had difficulty dealing with cops. I'm scared of them. I've met some wonderful cops who have helped me out when I needed it, but whenever cops do this type of authoritarian fear-mongering, it completely messes with my head. Also, did I mention that the people using the gas station and passing through it were all being flagged by while we were being interrogated by Officer No-Common-Sense Mustache?
I was a blubbering mess all the way through the tunnel. Derek was unfazed and actually happy about not getting a ticket (he doesn't seem to have a cop complex). Still, this is a little absurd, no?
Posted by csageday at April 17, 2006 09:28 PM