« Ahhhhh, Sleeeeeep | Main | Happy New Year!! »

December 29, 2005

The Ingenious Relocation of the Traditional, Time-Tested Day Family Christmas Celebration

It has been a unique Christmas. A week-and-a-half ago, I got a call from Mom saying that Dad had slipped on some ice in the driveway and had broken his leg. He was doing okay, but was going to have to have surgery and would probably have a long recovery to deal with. The following Monday, I started a new job. Tuesday, the transit workers decided to strike (*&^*&$%^%!!!). Wednesday, we learned that Dad was probably going to have to spend Christmas in the hospital. Oh, and I should mention that my Christmas shopping was no where near done two weeks ago, and was impossible to do given the intervening circumstances. It was a stressful couple of weeks, to say the least, and I can't say I entirely held things together.

First, an update on Dad. He is valiantly soldiering on with a variety of metal rods and other pieces of metal sticking out of his shin, after having undergone the first of two surgical procedures. Although the pain has been difficult to manage at times (it was a bad break), he's in good spirits and probably grateful for being excused from his usual last-minute shopping spree. He remembers slipping on some black ice while carrying shopping bags to the house, being briefly suspended in midair, and then crashing down on his shin. Somehow, he got himself into the house and called 911, only to wait forever because they had the wrong address. Since then, he has been enjoying a steady stream of Diet Coke, painkillers, and Christmas candy while things stabilize in the hospital. He has a room full of gadgets (he is, at heart, a gadget man, given to early adoption of gizmos and electronic appliances of every sort), including two laptops, to keep him busy. We're hoping to have him home after the weekend.

Now, I have to explain the Traditional Day Family Christmas Celebration, so you can understand how Dad's hospital visit might make us all a little batty. It's a little silly, yes, but there is NO deviating from the Celebration, because it is Essential, and has been in place for Decades, regardless of family members with broken bones in hospitals. There is a very precise and time-tested holiday schedule in our house. The challenge was not how to alter the usual extravaganza, but how exactly to bring the Day Family Celebration to Dad, given some annoying little hospital Rules and Regulations (and pesky hospital staff).

First, there is the Gathering of Dad's Numerous Children and Grandchildren. Dad has accumulated several children and scads of grandkids through the course of two marriages, and we usually gather a bunch of them for a pre-Christmas gift-exchange event. I assumed this might be slightly altered or cancelled given the hospital circumstance, but no. There are traditions to uphold, you see, hospital rules be damned. And Mom almost reproduced our usual party without a hitch. Through the help of a "patient representative," a "family room" was booked for 15 people so we could have the party down the hall from Dad's room.

The snag came at the entrance desk. We were definitively barred entrance when we arrived with our holiday party entourage and numerous shopping bags of food. We were told by a completely humor-less woman that the room was "restricted" and "not just anyone can go wandering upstairs, you know." We mentioned that we WERE the 15 people it was reserved for, but this made little headway. I have never encountered such a standoff-ish, haughty bunch of hospital volunteers. After explaining that we weren't welcome, they asked that we move our stuff out of the way and leave! I wonder if the hospital staff realizes that they were in mortal danger of being strangled at that point.

After much cursing and an epic battle of hospital software and frantic phone calls, the entrance workers suddenly changed their minds. A full blown battle of the Day Family against the hospital staff was averted (although Mom gave them a nasty speech in return for their efforts), and we proceeded upstairs. Mom assembled a rather large and well-appointed Christmas party for 15 people in the hospital, with a three-course meal, spiked egg nog, AND chocolate fondue. Are you impressed yet?

The next significant Day Family tradition is the Christmas Eve reading of the archival (and falling-apart) copy of "'Twas the Night Before Christmas." The time and place of said reading is habitually dictated by my brother Nick, and CANNOT be missed, regardless of how much wrapping you still have to do or how tired you are. The mood must be festive, the dog must be present, and Mom will read and comment on how her favorite line is the one about how "new fallen snow gave a luster of midday to objects below." We will roll our eyes. Dad was excused from this particular tradition so he could sleep (more often than not, he is asleep during the reading anyway). And besides, the hospital wouldn't let us call at one in the morning.

Next up, family members wake, procure coffee, and ready themselves for present opening. No one is allowed to enter the living room at this point (unless the living room lies between one's bedroom and the coffee, in which case exceptions may be made, but only if one agrees NOT to look directly at the stockings). When the family is ready, we proceed down the stairs in order of age (with the dog being encouraged to lead the way but usually failing to understand his role). Nick enters first, followed by me, then Derek, then Mom and finally, Dad. Since Dad is last, the order wasn't terribly disrupted, but Dad may be required to do an honorary walk (or crutch-assisted hop) into the living room when he returns. To accommodate his present location, we decided that he would open stocking presents last.

Once in the living room, we must stand clear of the stockings (no touching!) while the stuffed stockings are preserved on camera for archival purposes. Finally, we each settle into a chair and begin tearing through the stockings and "under-the-stocking presents." Once complete, the usual process involves taking showers and gathering in the dining room for "crackers" (those party things you pull apart), champagne, and eggs benedict with extra hollandaise sauce.

Much thought and preparation went into the dilemma of how exactly to handle this part of the hallowed Celebration. Could we make eggs benedict ahead and bring it to the hospital? Unacceptable. It would turn to cold mush on the way, and hospitals, we have been informed, do not have microwaves. Should we eat it without Dad? Equally unacceptable, and possibly a little cruel, given the hospital food alternative. And really, the point of the Christmas Brunch is that it's over-the-top and completely unnecessary and gluttonous. Nick was responsible for the ingenious solution. He found an appliance practically made for making eggs benedict in hospitals. It's a toaster with an egg-poaching attachment. Not an egg frying attachment, but an eggs-benedict style poaching one. The only thing it doesn't do is make hollandaise. He bought one, tested it out at home, and then bought another. I'm sure the hospital has a whole slew of rules prohibiting this type of homemade-meal cooking (Dad was NOT happy about the open flame involved in the chocolate fondue), but somehow this didn't factor into our preparation. The Sage side of the family is not so good at playing by the rules. I'm sure Mom would say something like. "Hospital rules be damned! We must have our hollandaise!" at this point.

On Christmas morning, after stockings and showers, we packed the car up with all of the remaining presents, pitchers of coffee and hollandaise, eggs benedict ingredients, and orange juice. We must have looked like complete nutjobs walking into the hospital with 10 shopping bags and a suitcase on wheels. A little ridiculous, yes, but as I mentioned before, the Day Family Celebration must go on. Again, the hospital entrance workers gave us the obligatory we're-in-charge-not-you-even-though-it's-Christmas trouble, letting us know first that four people couldn't possibly go up at once ("This is a hospital, you know."). Again, we persisted and they computed and we eventually made our way upstairs.

There was hardly anyone in the orthopedic wing -- somehow everyone manages to get better on Christmas Eve -- and Dad didn't have a roommate, so we decorated his bed and leisurely set about opening Dad's stocking. I can't say it was quite like the usual fireside event, but it was fine. We set up our eggs-benedict-making apparatus in the "family room", and while it must have taken an hour to get the appropriate amount of eggs poached and english muffins toasted, we got the job done. Dad was suitably impressed. I'm sure the nursing staff (which is made up of much more friendly people than the entrance staff) thought we were all nuts. Our party crackers came with little paper crowns, so we were all walking around with orange and yellow burger-king-like crowns on our heads.

Anyway, mission accomplished. The Day Family Celebration is complete, and we're all recovering well from pre-Celebration stress. I just got word that the second surgical procedure was successful and Dad might be home Sunday. We may have to enforce some sort of safety procedures for the family to ensure that the following Christmas does not involved hospital entrance workers.

Update: I got a fabulous Canon Rebel XT for Christmas from my family and Derek (thank you!!) and took some pictures at the hospital, so I'll have those up soon. Also, Derek and I drove down to Delaware for the Costas Family Christmas Extravaganza after we left the hospital, which is equally gluttonous and festive. We made out exceptionally well on the gift front -- blog readers may be interested to know that Derek's brother Wes gave us a gift certificate to Al Di La! I'll have photos from Delaware up soon as well (including many of the most adorable one-year-old on the planet, D's nephew Xander).

Posted by csageday at December 29, 2005 12:30 PM

Comments

Posted by: ck at December 29, 2005 01:20 PM

Posted by: Cindy at December 29, 2005 06:16 PM

Posted by: D at December 30, 2005 10:02 PM

Posted by: Cindy at December 30, 2005 10:35 PM

Posted by: tony at December 31, 2005 06:52 AM