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November 23, 2005
Disney Detox
Doesn't this sort of make it look like an evil empire?
I'm very happy with that photo. I reached my Disney point-of-saturation less than an hour after entering "Disney property," but I stuck it out. I tried to be amused. I supplemented the theme park madness with meals at other resorts (lunch at the Grand Floridian was nice) and a late night swim. I weathered "Cinderella's Coronation" by taking pictures of the gaping, camera wielding crowd. I knit through endless switch-backs in holding pens while waiting in line. We ordered a flight of wine with dinner.
The worst part of the trip turned out to be the lunch food in the parks. Deep fried, uber-processed, completely unappetizing fast food. Why can't Disney partner with Whole Foods or Trader Joe's and offer edamame or anything organic? There are enough well-heeled parents walking around with money to spend on that kind of thing. Also, the rides we went on weren't that great because they were the classic older ones -- the dioramas of fairy tale stories that you wait 45 minutes to see seemed anticlimactic and low-tech. There's very little true interactivity (unless you count getting wet or being tossed around a bit), and Disney technology seems to have stalled with the invention of animatronics and 3D movies. Some of the rides seemed frozen in time. To be fair, I'm biased and there are newer ones to balance it out (the "Who Wants To Be a Millionaire" one sounded great -- it works just like the show), but I didn't make it to those.
Disney's strength lies in the ability to attract and manage huge amounts of people without pissing them off. The things that turn me off -- like musical extravaganzas, an entire landscape of pastel colors, and constant "Disney magic" -- are the opiate of the masses. People are happy at Disney. The hyper-stylized landscapes are massive, and every detail contributes to the theme of the park or resort it belongs to. The parks offer a variation of the media-saturation and over-the-top experience that people seek at Las Vegas. Americans, born and bred on excess, love it.
It's impressive, but since it's all fake (concrete painted to look like castle walls, a chimney painted to look like a slice of grand canyon), it all seems the same and gets annoying. The sheer scale is overwhelming. The enthusiasm of the "cast" is unnatural. After a while you feel a desperate need for something authentic. Like, say, alcohol. Oh, but there's no alcohol inside the most Disneyified park of all: the Magic Kingdom. Mickey doesn't drink. He's just on speed.
Animal Kingdom was the best of the lot. It incorporates a real, living landscape of trees and plants (and animals) into the mix, which is nice. It throws the fake trees into relief and makes them look sort of ridiculous, but at least it feels less like you're trapped in Walt Disney's mind.
The "cast members" lived up to their reputation. While I was trying to take pictures of mole rats (reminded me of people in apartments), a peppy "cast member" asked if I was over 18. How do you answer that so you don't get a reply? I tried shrugging, looking annoyed, and saying "Does it matter?" which did NOT work. "Well I hope you are, because those mole rats are naked!! They're not wearing any clothes!! HAHAHAHA!" Elsewhere, enthusiastic "cast members" called someone in our party "princess" (no sarcasm) and reminded us to "say goodbye to Mickey" upon leaving the park. Mickey himself repeatedly sang "Have a real fun day!" and "See ya real soon!" and I can't believe Disney workers aren't all suicidal after hearing that all the time.
Photos of the trip, along with more snide, snobbish commentary, are on Flickr. Oh, and we had a great time with Derek's nephew Xander and his cousin Marie (for the under-8 set, Disney makes perfect sense) and the rest of the family. And I'll admit that I enjoyed the Muppet 3D show. I love muppets. And the Monsters Inc. monsters were cute in the parade.
Posted by csageday at November 23, 2005 12:24 AM