« Negativlandland | Main | Hey, Brooklynites... »

September 19, 2005

My First Roach

I've lived in the city for 10 years -- six years full time -- and miraculously I've avoided crossing paths with a cockroach in any of my apartments. I've had mice, big ants, little ants, thousand-legged insects that crawl across the walls, a dying cricket, and waterbugs, but not a single roach (that I saw, anyway).

So much for my luck with roaches. It's true (ugh, ew, gross) that they climb up the pipes. I went into the bathroom a minute ago to find one trying to crawl out of the sink. Damn they're ugly. They just have no redeeming characteristics. No fur, no color, no shame.

I watched it for a minute to make sure it wasn't going anywhere and tried to decide what to do. Roaches have hard shells, and I really didn't feel like killing it in the sink (too many opportunities for roach pieces flying into my tootbrush/face), or flushing it down the drain (it would just come back). Also, the thought of the crunch it would make just made my stomach turn.

So I got some cardboard and a cup and decided the move it to the floor or some other place, so I could kill it as far away from my own body and any of my stuff as possible. While I was performing the delicate slide-and-capture maneuver, though, the roach grabbed onto the side of the cup so I couldn't make a seal (you were expecting that, yes?). I had to chop off a leg or two, making the whole experience that much more ... revolting.

I finally got it into the kitchen -- that seemed like the place to go, with the good lighting and the garbage can and heavy stainless steel pots and pans ... just in case. I put it on the counter, thought a minute, then moved it to the floor. I'm not sure why I was so disgusted by the prospect of killing it. It's disgusting all on its own, so the added crunch and possible flying roach-guts add another dimension to the ugliness. I felt similarly toward the giant waterbug that lay dying right outside my door in a different apartment. It's kind of like killing a rat or a turtle. It's just too big to deal with. I don't feel this way about mice at all. The roach just seems invasive and unnatural -- like an alien species attacking the house. I want to kill it, but I'm afraid it'll turn into something even angrier and scarier and will infect the planet with a horrible fast-spreading roach disease. (I just watched parts of a show called "Surface" about a gigantic monster that lives in the sea and eats people -- maybe that's why my imagination ran wild.)

Anyway, I got the roach onto the floor and then realized I wasn't wearing shoes, so I couldn't step on it. I considered using a mug, but settled on finding a suitable pair of shoes instead -- ones with smooth bottoms so I could be absolutely certain the thing would be dead and not scuttling through some grove on the bottom of my shoe. Once properly outfitted, I confronted the roach again. It was playing dead, remaining feet pointing up in the air, curled slightly inward. I removed the cup and raised my foot. I grimaced. I couldn't handle it. The prospect of the CRUNCH was too much to bear. And what if it was so resiliant I didn't kill it the first time around? I put the cup back down.

When did I become such a sissy? How pathetic.

While putting the cup back down, the stupid insect came back to life and grabbed onto the rim again, making a last stand of sorts. God I hate roaches. I shook the cup around until it let go, lifted up my foot, cringed, and slammed my foot down on top of it. A couple of times. Just to be sure. It crunched and I lost my appetite, but it's done.

Now, when the exterminator comes at 8 AM on a Saturday morning and knocks until we wake up, I won't be pissed off. Or I'll try not to be. I don't think I can go through all that again. I admit, I was impressed the roach made it all the way up to the third floor -- and I told it so, but we've got enough on our hands with the mice and ants, thank you.

Posted by csageday at September 19, 2005 11:21 PM

Comments

I've been known to let out a good scream with the squash... how big was it? I just disovered a HUGE one (known ludicrously as a Water Bug) climbing my husband's winter coat in our closet. I've found that just keeping the combat discs around is enough to keep them away.

Posted by: kaitlyn at September 20, 2005 09:43 AM

Ugh, it must be even more disturbing to find them in your clothes -- my ankles were itching all last night because I kept thinking more might be on the floor somewhere.

I guess it was about an inch and a half long? Not huge by any means (waterbugs are definitely more scary), but still disgusting.

Posted by: Cindy at September 20, 2005 10:39 AM

I, um, make Francis deal. I freaking hate cockroaches and that whole class of particularly creepy sort-of-flies, sort-of-doesn't insect. I can deal with flying things, things that only crawl. I just get extra creeped by the in-between ones. Dunno why. Except perhaps because they are *extra creepy*?

Posted by: Rose at September 20, 2005 09:23 PM

Old NY lore had it that slices of raw potato slathered with ? (can't remember) was a sure-fire roach kill method. Didn't work. Nothing does. Just learned to coexist with them. Boggles my mind that roaches apparently have not found their way into the suburbs.

Posted by: Mom at September 22, 2005 08:21 PM